Weekend Smack Club : Avocado Shrimp Ceviche

Avocado Shrimp Ceviche

This looks "damn fine" as is, but we'll see. Oh yes. We will see.

Remember, kids:
Always brush your teeth "up and down" not "side to side".

And, don't Smack Up a recipe until you've tried the original recipe first.*
(*please refer to Rule #3.)

Rule #1: The first rule of Smack Club is, you do not talk about Smack Club.

Rule #2: The second rule of Smack Club is, oh okay, go on: talk about Smack Club.

Rule #3: No shirts, no shoes, no substitutions.

Rule #4: Smack like no one is looking, but only after Rule #3. Capeesh?

Rule #5: If this is your first reading of the Smack Club, you must follow the rules.

Or not. We don't really care.

08/16/10, HOLY SMOKES: Just a quick follow-update to my first testing of this recipe -- just as I suspected, it certainly is damn fine. It's easy to make, I smacked only one thing differently, okay, maybe two. Alright: three. But they were minor smacks and lip-smackin' good. Will post pics and recipe with smacks as soon as I drag them off the camera tonight?

08/24/10, HOLY SMOKES, part deux: ..."as soon as I drag them off the camera tonight" -- yeah right. The dog ate my homework, my camera batteries died, and oh, that means I have to (remember to) go to the store for batteries. "So, use your USB cable. Where's your USB cable?" Yes, that is a fine question.

But can I just say this, briefly: made batch number two of this (slightly smack'd) recipe, used lemons because I had no limes (or AA batteries) and Jumpin' Jiminy Good Grief Lawsy Maircy -- this is seriously simple, refreshing and tastes delicious, and feels good for you like B-12 shot without the needles. And, so far (that I know of) I haven't died or gotten a tapeworm from undercooked seafood. Yet. But use the freshest ingredients you can. of course. And of course, the combined acidity from the citrus fruits and (I used big Roma, not plum) tomatoes cooks the shrimp chunks up perfectly tender, thoroughly and ...

So much for brevity.

Simply put: Make this ceviche. And it looks nothing like the photo above. But. I recalculated the recipe for one serving, used a buncha fresh Key West pink (wild-caught) shrimp, three juicy limes, fresh cilantro, chopped Roma tomato, subbed in garlicky/onionish shallots for onions, tossed out this recipe's "Worchester-shister-shire, ketchup, hot sauce" hoopty-doo and subbed in a Sun Gold ketchu with freshly grated (okay, from a bottle) horseradish mixed in for the quickie cocktail sauce instead, then blobbed that on top a table (or water) cracker, heaped a spoonful of ceviche (left to marinate/refrigerate overnight, for good luck, and other reasons) as the topper and voila! Instant, wide-eyed "Dammit, that's too good to be true."

Note: I totally forgot about adding the avocado, which would only send it (and me right behind it) to the moon, next time. With a squeeze of fresh lime for rocket fuel.

I admit it: I'm currently in love with Mr. Ceviche.

And it's pronounced "sah-VEE-chay" and not "k'vetch". Oy vey, who knew, I'm such a crudite.

Enjoy. And images? I have a few. In my camera, and permanetly embedded in my dreams.

Owen, I had the strangest dream last night ...

... Gimbal's Fine Candies tried to kill me with their Cherry Lovers heart-shaped gourmet jelly beans. Then a hula dancer, a snake and a priest walked into a duck with a bar on his head.

I know, right?!

El Smacko

How do you smack up a fortune cookie and make it better? Like this.

Smacked That Bolognese Up and Down

Found a right proper recipe for a bolognese sauce at epicurious.com.

It was just what I was looking for in the likes of simple, hearty-rich goodness, but like many people with at least half a conscience, I have a problem with eating veal. I know, I know. All I see is big, round baby cow eyes blinking back big, round silvery shimmering tears -- with those soft little puppy-belly velvety cherubic faces and wet, thin black patent-leather strips for noses -- I just can't do it.*

I can't do pigs either mostly since my dog looks like a big black pig, and I just can't find a Pulled Otis Sandwich appetizing. But man...bacon...so do I go both ways on the subject? I guess. Sometimes.

Whatever. Point is: I cooked up a big stainless-steel copper-bottomed skilletful of this recipe with the basic ingredients listed and only a couple of substitutions and just a few additions to the spices. Subbed ground turkey for the veal and pork.

Turkey meat always has a little sweetness to it when cooked up, but thankfully it isn't sweet in the face department. Sheehhshhsh. 

I do mind saying this but will anyway: in the past 24 hours, I've made a total Otis out of myself eating the whole batch.

There. I admit it. I did it. But. Even Googie -- the pickiest, most discriminating puss on the planet -- gave this version of turkey bolognese sauce "two claws" up. Honestly. But since I smack'd up this sauce by smackin' down the fat content without losing the flavor, I only have so far to jog to make up for it.




Original recipe follows with substitutions noted in red.

Bolognese Sauce Smack'd Around with Turkey
(Servings: Makes about 8 cups 6 cups)

Ingredients:

2 medium onions, finely chopped
4 celery ribs, finely chopped
2 medium carrots, finely chopped
5 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 lb pancetta or slab bacon, ground by butcher or thinly sliced and pulsed in food processor until finely chopped I omitted the bacon/pancetta only because I couldn't find what I wanted in my ghetto K-Roger, but use it, use it, use it.
1 lb ground veal
1 lb ground pork (not lean) Sub 1.5-2.0 lbs of ground turkey 85/15 version
1 (6-oz) can tomato paste
also added in a can of SunGold diced tomatoes that contained basil, oregano and garlic
1 cup whole milk 2% milk
1 cup dry white wine
1 cup water
1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves Italian blend of sage, oregano, rosemary, thyme - to release the flavor of dried herbs, sand it between your palms over the mixture
1 1/4 teaspoons kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper


Preparation:

Cook onions, celery, carrot, and garlic in oil in a 6- to 8-quart heavy pot over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5 minutes.

Add pancetta, veal, and pork and turkey and cook over moderately high heat, stirring and breaking up lumps, until no longer pink, about 6 minutes.

Stir in tomato paste, diced tomatoes, milk, wine, water, and thyme blend of Italian herbs and gently simmer, covered, until sauce is thickened, 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Add salt and pepper and remove from heat.

Sauce may be made 2 days ahead and cooled, uncovered, before chilling, covered. Frozen, it keeps for 1 month.

*Unless you count that wine tasting/food pairing event I went to -- give me four glasses of wine to taste up to the main course, and I will eat baby cow plus ask the waiter for a marrow bone to some sort of well-heeled and pretentious hypocrite. Eh. Life's good anyway.

Hot Item found at MoMA.

How hot is this cutting board? Vertically files your four separate cutting boards so's to avoid that nasty cross-contamination. Neato to the 4th power.

So what is Smack My Dish Up?

You know when you take a recipe and whip it up for the first time it, and after one or two tastes, you think "This would be better with _____." Y'know, like orange juice is better with vodka? That's "Smack My Dish Up." It's where we test recipes and take our own favorites and smack each other's dishes up. A pinch here, a dash there, light some TNT and make a Flaming Volcano out of it if it makes it all better. Feel free to join in. In the words of the immortal John Belushi: "Fooooooodfiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!" Enjoy.

Hootie Hoo!!!

Lets make some Cheesy Smack!